i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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