The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
