Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
