wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
