Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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