His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
