rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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