I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize