theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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