now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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