thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
