that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
