Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
