I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
