i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't think brook has ever known best
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
