you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
