I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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