You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
