Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
