All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have fence marks all over my body
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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