The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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