I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
