This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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