So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
