...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
