I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
