Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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