It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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