it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You made out with two different species that night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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