I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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