I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
