dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
