I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We don't watch enough power rangers
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
