Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize