i will never coherently bang her
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
