glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
