Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
