At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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