sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
