Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
