I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
