i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
