She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
