3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
nut hugger
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
