Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
