I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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