finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
