i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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