i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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