i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
