you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
