I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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