i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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