So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
