3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize