The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
