My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
