why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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