Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
