ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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