Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
