thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
