if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
