Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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