I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
