We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
