Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I checked into jail on foursquare
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
