If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
